This morning I started the drops for the first time. Per the instructions, I left them to absorb under my tongue for the full 3-5 minutes, they burned a little. It immediately made me wonder if I had done something wrong. Then waiting 15mins I also did the b12 drops….just in case. To say I’m a little scared would be an understatement. I desperately want this process to work and I’m scared of failing the diet and myself. I’m also scared of it working. I know how crazy this sounds, but I’ve carved out a nice little piece of this world, just for me and I know how to belong just as I am. Even though, just as I am, I am not as happy as I know I could be. Although, I have been through the process of losing weight before, I still wonder if people will look at me different and treat me different. I guess only time will tell, because right now I’m doing this for me and not for them.
Having had a friend go through this diet, she has been kind enough to share some of her experiences with me, both good and bad. I know today is the day my body will start “flushing” for lack of a better term the excess water from my body. Hoping that I will not have the same, “oh shit” moment of sitting in traffic in my car and realizing you have to go; I am extremely anxious that I may pee myself as well. Good thing I am right next to the bathroom here at work.
Knowing I cannot do this alone, I chose to tell 4 friends about what I’m getting myself into. They are great supporters in my life and I know through this journey they will be there to support, encourage and lift me up. I also know they will keep my in check so the “cheating” will not be tolerated. First is Alicia, my best friend back home, she is the person I will be able to rely on with any questions or concerns. She and her husband have been where I am right now and introduced me to the HCG diet. Second is Mauricio, aka AROD, my lover, friend and trainer. I first approached him about this when I was thinking this was the step for me. I filled him with literature to read and the knowledge I had gained from Alicia. He has been supportive and encouraging since day one and I know he will continue to be. The third person I confided in was my best friend and roommate, Teri. Knowing I needed to have an accountability partner at home, this decision was easy. Teri is my “tell it like it is” Sista! I know through this process I will be able to talk to her about anything and she will be there to give me the truth as she always does. The last person is my other roommate Kendall. Although new to the house, I have developed a deep level of trust and appreciation for her. And even though she sometimes complains about an extra 5 lbs and I want to slap her (because she’s got a great body), I know she understands where I’m at with my weight loss and the struggles (even 5 little pounds) can be on a person.
Raising my glass of water….Here’s to a successful 40 day journey and to day one of gorging all I can eat of my favorite foods. I know that even if I pee myself today, it will still be easier than days 3-40.
Today’s follow up, so it’s 4:30pm and I don’t know how it’s possible to eat as much as I have. I’ve already consulted with Alicia and I MUST keep forcing it in, she even suggested a milk shake reward after work. Is that even possible?!? Spaghetti for breakfast, Stromboli for lunch a cupcake, spoonful of peanut butter, apple and caramel, 20oz coke, 4 glasses of water…and I almost forgot the skittles! I’m getting it all in before I can’t have it again. I need something with lots of cheese for dinner or maybe taco’s. It’s like I’ve gone to an all you can eat place and I’m trying to eat all they have….well all the bad stuff anyways!
Two more hours until my next dose of drops and then dinner and midnight snack? I should add up all of the calories, I’m sure it will be astronomical!
Next step, other than eat….I need to go to the grocery store with my list. I think this is going to be the time that I “try” some new things. With a limited menu of items to choose from, I’m going to have to get creative and think outside of the box. To play it safe I should probably stick with what I know first and then start changing it up when I get bored. Maybe I’ll be more likely to like the new things. If nothing else, my grocery budget this month is going to be slim….just like me at the end of this…..
On a different note: my eyes are deceptive but not in the way that most people’s are. I think this has been a blessing and may have been a curse. Wondering what I’m talking about?!? I just looked at the pictures from my sister’s wedding and I’m big. Not like, oh I need to lose 10 lbs big, but really big! What was more shocking to me is that I thought I was looking good, through exercise and portion control leading up to the wedding I had already managed to lose 20lbs. I just don’t see myself that way, so why does the camera? More importantly, why hasn’t anyone said something? Throw being politically correct out the window, yeah it would hurt my feelings but I’d rather it hurt my feelings and spare my life. DANG!!
I have to start taking care of myself. And as a friend reminded me this weekend (about something completely unrelated, but still relevant), you must do exactly what you say you’re going to do. Be consistent, your actions should match your words exactly.
As funny as this may be, I think putting it in writing will help to remind me on the “hard” days what I want and what I said I was going to do….
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